Eight year ago today, my Mom died. It seems every year around this time I get into this mental funk. For a few years, I didn’t realize it, but eventually I figured it was always around this time. Even though I know it may be coming, I just can’t seem to get past it. So part way through last week, it hit full steam. If I get myself distracted, I seem fine. I’ve had many a moment this week though, of me just sitting here. Last night, it was a little better. Today, it is a little better.
Things that didn’t help this week. I had to get rid of my best friends facebook page. He died in 2012. So I had to dig though files. I tried to make the best of it, and found some of the funny stuff we use to talk about. Then, I had my arm to deal with. I am trying to figure out the new insurance stuff that my wife has, so I can get an appointment. Until then, I am out of bowling. All this added in with the other stuff, just had me really down. Not fully out, but just not in the mood for anything.
With all that, this week will be a bad one. You know what though, that is OK. This battle I have is a long one. There are going to be moments that don’t go perfect. My job this coming week, is to get myself back on track as best I can. There is no way I am snowballing all the way back up to 388 lbs like I did before.
The Mental game is struggling pretty hard, but I feel like I am slowly getting it back.
I’m at 286.2 lbs. That is a 1.4 lbs gained this week. Technically, I had got to almost 285. So, at least I am coming down off of that. I did have surplus calorie days, plus mind and body stresses.
08/13 MyFitnessPal – 1662 Calories, 25 net carbs (13 net minus the quest stuff) IF Done
08/14 MyFitnessPal – 1576 Calories, 20 net carbs (8 net minus the quest) about 23 hour fast done
08/15 MyFitnessPal – 1793 Calories, 18 net carbs (16 net minus quest) IF Done
08/16 MyFitnessPal – 1681 Calories, 22 net carbs (10 net minus quest) IF Done
08/17 MyFitnessPal – 2023 Calories, 17 net carbs (14 net minus quest) ate late, no IF
08/18 MyFitnessPal – 1659 Calories, 18 net carbs (15 net minus quest) IF done
08/19 MyFitnessPal – 1673 Calories, 23 net carbs (19 minus quest) IF done
My attempt at a really long fast was a fail. Right before I ate, I was getting pretty bad headaches, so I decided I needed to eat. Might have been my blood sugar getting low. I don’t think I am ready to fast that long yet. I think instead, Tuesday will be the day I try to eat One meal. I hope to fast as long as possible. Like no food until after 3 pm that day. If I can get use to doing it, then maybe I can move it to other days as well.
On the 18th, we ate at the smoking pig BBQ place. I could not find nutritional information anywhere. Nothing in My Fitness Pal, nothing online, not even their website. So I had to kind of guess. I stayed away from sauces. Just had fatty brisket, hot link, and a side salad with vinaigrette. The dressing did seem very sweet. I think it had sugars, but it was mostly just lettuce and a few peppers. I didn’t eat the croutons.
08/13 – Exercise done, followed by a walk
08/14 – walk done
08/15 – Exercise done, followed by a walk
08/16 – walk done
08/17 – nothing
08/18 – nothing
08/19 – nothing
3 days of me doing nothing. Today isn’t much better, but I did at the very least do some squats. If I can, I will try to bring up the will to go for a walk tonight. Even if it is down on the treadmill or something. Right now though, mood is to skip it.
08/14 – 1:30 am to 7:39 am. 5 hrs 22 mins. 19 x awake for 47 mins. No reading
08/15 – 12:41 am to 7:30 am. 6 hrs 12 mins. 21 x awake for 37 mins. Reading done.
08/16 – 12:54 am to 7:52 am. 6 hrs 9 mins. 11 x awake for 49 mins. Reading done
08/17 – 12:20 am to 7:14 am. 6 hrs. 19 x awake for 54 mins. Reading done.
08/18 – 11:59 pm to 8:57 am. 7 hrs 52 mins. 17 x awake for 1 hr 6 mins. Reading done.
08/19 – 12:56 am to 8:30 am. 6 hrs 52 mins. 16 x awake for 42 mins. Reading done.
08/20 – 12:23 am to 6:51 am. 5 hrs 43 mins. 13 x awake for 45 mins. Reading done.
This week was really rough for me sleep wise. Many times I just stayed awake. doing nothing other then sitting here at my desk. I wasn’t gaming or anything. There were a few times I went to bed, and just took awhile to get sleeping. My mind was going full steam ahead. I am trying to bring it back in. I need to get up early to take my kid to school, so I need that sleep.
Tomorrow and this week
My main focus is to get myself back in gear. The youngest will be hitting up school now, and I’ll be driving him there and picking him up. I am going to have to get re-adjusted with some time management. Plus, I need to get my head right. Hopefully, I will start getting better each day. One day at a time.